Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring motherhood and the influence of mothers in society. For women suffering from infertility or loss, mother’s day can be a heart-breaking holiday. I dislike mother’s day. I wanted to write my first blog post on this day because I felt like it was an important way to share my journey. As infertile women, how are we supposed to cope on this holiday celebrating women who are successful in having children?

I have my own mother to honor on this day. When I found out I was never going to have children and my hysterectomy sealed the deal, I refused to celebrate this day. I explained to my mom that I would show my love for her on any other day and we can create a different tradition. As the loving mother she is, she agreed. My husband supports my choice; we treat the day as if it were any other Sunday. My stepdaughter goes and spends the day with her mother. Last year, my nephew was born. That is the only mother’s day I have cherished since my journey began. I believe God did that one on purpose.

Mom’s Day can either be a great day or a curse. There’s so many different ways to celebrate; brunches, breakfast in bed, church services dedicated to mothers, spring flowers, hallmark cards, handmade gifts, love and appreciation. I hear being a mommy is the best job in the world. Your body does what it was made to do, have children. For this, you are honored and praised. I hear it is also a hard job; you should be appreciated every day. I don’t want to spread the hate, I want to spread awareness. I am happy for all those couples who can have babies, I am just sad for myself. I would love to be in your place and be a mother. I never thought of mother’s day any differently until I was diagnosed with infertility. 

In my opinion, mothers come in all forms. I wish we were all celebrated on this one day. I believe some families do, but most don’t. I will never forget the year we were at a family gathering at my grandma’s house and all the moms in the room received a gift,I am a stepmom, but I still did not get one. Those little suggestions matter. Our hearts are already broken; please don’t make it worse. We are living with infertility and involuntary childlessness, be sensitive to this day and what it represents for us. Some of us are still raising children, even if we didn’t give birth to them. 

For all 6 million of you trying to cope with this day, you are either trying to get pregnant, trying to stay pregnant or waiting to adopt, I send my love and support to you. The lack of acknowledgement from society is at a huge loss. There are commercials, advertisements and social media posting all around us and there is no traditional way to handle this grief. 

My suggestion is to make this day about you and get through the day the best way you know how. Skip the activities like I do, contact a support group, stay busy, increase all the positives in your life, and share the day with other women who have the same struggles. Happy Mother’s Day to biological moms, adoptive moms, foster moms, stepmoms and pet moms. I hope you all find something special about this day where a lot of us can’t and I hope you are celebrated every day. 

If you would like, please share how you cope with this holiday. The isolation is real, and the grief can be a heavy burden. Please do not think you are alone.

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The Infertility Doula

I am a infertile woman with no biological children. My infertility stems from endometriosis and adenomyosis. I work and live in Duluth, Minnesota. I am married with five dogs and have an adult stepdaughter.

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