The Childless Aunt

my name in Spanish translates into Aunt. It was God’s will from the day I was named – I was meant to be an Auntie. My little brother (my only sibling) had told me that he never wanted children. A month before my hysterectomy, him and his girlfriend told us they were pregnant. 

I learned after the fact that they were terrified to tell me. They were worried about my emotions, about my reaction, and about my depression. The funny thing is – I felt nothing but complete happiness for them. I kind of had an idea they wanted to tell me they were expecting – my brother had never asked me to dinner so persistently in his whole life. Also, She was drinking sprite and eating a pack of crackers. 

How did I process the fact that my brother was going to have a baby and I wasn’t?

I was having my reproductive system removed from my body and he was preparing for fatherhood. I was grieving a great loss and they were preparing for a miracle. I tried so hard to have a baby and my nephew was a surprise. I didn’t feel jealousy, I didn’t feel anger, and I didn’t feel sadness. I believe I was more in shock that he was having a baby! A baby was coming into our family, and the timing was perfect.

The fact that they included me during the pregnancy was very supportive, loving and helpful. I got to see my nephew’s heartbeat on an ultrasound. I had tears in my eyes when I witnessed his little heart beat. I felt so special that I was included in that moment. I had witnessed a miracle in a time of my own devastation.

Did they pity me?

I don’t believe they felt pity for my loss. I believe that they were surrounded by so much love that they wanted to share that love. There is no greater gift in this life than love. 

My nephew was born perfect, healthy, and on a gorgeous spring Mother’s Day. Ironic, right? That day had been one of the hardest days for me for so many years – it was finally a day to be celebrated. It was the happiest day. 

Trygve Thomas will be two-years-old this coming May. He has brought an enormous amount of joy to our family. He has healed a lot of wounds. My parents officially became biological grandparents, my stepdaughter took one look at her new stepcousin and told him they were going to be best friends, my husband is now Uncle Chappy, and I am his Tìa.

I may be the childless aunt, but I have love for this child that fills up the whole world. I have rocked him to sleep, fed him his bottles, changed his diapers, held his hands as he learned to walk, and have made him laugh countless times. 

The best part is – I get to go home after being with him. This auntie doesn’t have to be up all night, up early, be with a cranky baby, or deal with dirty diapers!

Timing is everything. I have proof of this. 

Auntie loves you Tryg. 

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The Infertility Doula

I am a infertile woman with no biological children. My infertility stems from endometriosis and adenomyosis. I work and live in Duluth, Minnesota. I am married with five dogs and have an adult stepdaughter.

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